Sunday, February 19, 2012
This month my Shanny was gone a year as of February 10th. It's amazing how fast the months went by and at the same time how slowly time crept along. Sometimes, I would will it to be pre-Feb.10,2011 in my mind when life was described by most as "normal." Whatever that is..for me it was working, spending time with my husband, working on the Jewelry business and catching up with the kids and grand kids when time allowed. Now, that thought makes me ill. When time allowed..I dictated when time allowed. I chose to be too busy or too tired or too wrapped up in this or that..time did not allow, I did. I am frustrated with myself for taking so much for granted. Who knows what is in store for us? That is why living each day is so very important to me now. I feel robbed some days of time..time with Shanny. Watching her with her husband and kids, the loves of her life. Shopping and running errands and just being silly when we chose to-because we could. Seeing her with her sisters and remembering when they were all young..little wisps of girls, Shanny all blond and so pretty people would stop me and comment on her in the stroller. Then, Kimmy my little tomboy, rough and tough until she was in her teens and then her softer side emerged. And Tina, my wild child. She is so much like I was when I was young it scares me..seeing all of them together-priceless..the memories that get stirred up take me back to a time when being a single mom and working two and three jobs was the norm to keep up with the bills and the rent and expenses of raising three girls.
I remember the struggles of dance school, gymnastics, scouts and flute lessons, one week maybe another instrument the next. We managed though, garage sales and thrift stores -I was way ahead of the times. My saying was-well, it's new to us! I had the love and support of a great family and the Lord, I just didn't always know where the blessings came from or remember to thank those who anonymously donated to my cause. God had a watchful hand on my life even when I wasn't aware of His presence. He surrounded me always with the Holy Spirit and kept me safe and for the most part, sane.
Even though those times were not always easy they hold some of the most precious memories I would cherish. Maybe it was the struggle, or the closeness of my girls. They were and always will be My Three Little Angels. Their innocence and gentleness of spirit would be a constant reminder of how God had blessed me.
Teenage years brought rebellion and tempers and fits of rage and anger. And yet, the sun continued to shine and the birds would sing. Not every day, but enough to remind me that I was blessed. As the months slipped into years, each daughter took on a personality and spirit of her own. Each one grew into a beautiful woman, mother and wife, and they continued to be close knit sisters, in spite of their differences in child rearing, home decorating and a multitude of issues I would hear about from one or two of the three almost daily. I loved every moment of it. I was always happiest when I had all three with me at the same time. Sometimes we would dissolve into a fit of laughter over absolutely
nothing. And then again, sometimes they would gang up on me about something I was wearing or my hair or nothing at all. We knew how to love strongly. We loved deeply. We didn't always agree with one another, but we always made up. We knew we would always be there for each other-like the four musketeers reunited..
And so, as I reflect not only on this past year but on many years of my life, I like to hold dearly the childhood hugs and kisses, the school dance dress shopping, the late night phone calls and the whispered-"I know I'm your favorite, mom.." Those are memories forever tucked away that I can look back on and say the two most important words a grieving mother can hear..
Two words that will touch a wounded heart, and remind us how blessed we truly are. Two words
that bring great comfort to a grieving mother over time..two words that reassure a mother that her child has left a mark on the world and made it a better place by having been in it, if only for a little while..two words when spoken out loud mean so much, like music to the ear when we are sorely missing our babies. Knowing someone cares is wonderful-that they took the time to express their feelings is awesome and it makes a world of difference to a grieving mother, so please take a moment and share your thoughts with a friend or family member or someone you know is struggling with a loss. After all, it is...
Just two little words.-'I remember.'