Friday, August 3, 2012

A New Day

I am trying to decide what that means to me? I have choices to make in this life that have changed over the years significantly. Including the choice I face today, to live in the moment instead of prior to God calling you home.

True, when I live there I am engulfed in the memories of your smile, your warmth and love and seeing you with your family-where you belong, but then...

I miss out on seeing my family-here with me now. My eight grand-blessings and my two beautiful daughters
that amaze me with the women they have become and the mothers they are proving to be. You'd be so proud, Shanny. They really are special..

I miss out on the moments I share with David-the quiet, special moments of unspoken love and understanding he gives me because he knows and he miss you, too. August 1st was his mom's birthday and he spoke of it, and we said how much we loved and missed her and he came back to this moment. He chose
to look to today for all it holds rather than live in the yesterdays with the memories...

Some days, it seems that choice is easier. I wonder why? I know all the psycho-babble I see a therapist and I am working on the grief, but I think it is more heart than head..

I love you, Shanny and I miss you all the way to Heaven and back a thousand times a day, always know I carry you in my heart..

I cannot bring your physical presence back, it's true but I can always have you close in my heart, you are just a thought and a memory away. I do not like when people I love become memories. It saddens me that I cannot express my love to them and not for them any more..

And yet, I know God has a reason and a purpose and I know He never takes me to a place and just drops me off-He never leaves me alone-He is always with me to face my fears and my pain. His Holy Spirit  comforts me in times of great stress and tribulation..He is, well, He just is..

And so, on this new day I will rise and greet the moment with a smile and promise to make the most of this day. I will do some random act of kindness in your honor and hope to pass it on along with a smile..

because I know the power of prayer and faith as a mother grieves!