Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Love You, and You, and You!

My heart is so full of love. God has blessed me with a heart that has the capacity to love BIG and DEEP. I am grateful! I have room in my heart for many kinds of love, too. The kind of love I feel for my Jesus that no one or nothing can ever change. That place in my heart is reserved only for my one true love. He comes before anyone or anything else in this life. Then, my heart holds a special place for my husband, and that place is reserved for him. If anything were to happen to him, that love would still occupy that space in my heart, because it will always belong to him. My three Angels, my girls, each have their own place in my heart, I love each one individually, because they are their own person, they each have value and special, unique gifts that God gave them to share in this life. I am witness to those gifts and I love each one of my girls for becoming the women they are becoming each day. As life changes, those places in my heart have reserved signs on them. But my heart is so big, it has the capacity to love much, much more. And it seems that the more I love, the larger the capacity to love grows.

When I step out in faith and love-God increases my ability to love. He gives me the tools to build a relationship, He blesses me with His word to guide me and His love to lead me. There is no greater Master than the one who loves you and created you.

When life changes, maybe friends lose touch; do we stop loving them? No. We just tuck them away in our hearts. We honor them by keeping them in prayer and we remember our good times. It is much the same when we are in the grief process. For me, getting back to reality; living in this world has taken courage to face the fact that Shannon will not be in it today, tomorrow or the day after. That does not mean I have forgotten her. It means, she is at peace in Heaven, with her Heavenly Father. I choose to honor her memory with acts of kindness and love for others and fondly recall our time together with photos (thank you Jason) and get- togethers with family and friends. I love to talk about her. No, I do not find it morbid. I miss her and her memory brings a smile to my face. She brightens my day and soothes my nights when I recall her sweetness. When we are at peace, we can do that with a loved one. We must forgive ourselves and know we will see them again some day. For now, we must become content with the memory of their love.

Does moving on mean moving past? No. I do not believe we are leaving our loved ones behind when we take part in life again. Remember, they are deep within our heart and always will be, and we can still love again, our heart is still beating. We are simply accepting life. This life dictates the here and now. We must remember we still have to wake up and take part in life, and we might as well be happy, right? Would your loved one really want you to mope around miserable? If the shoe were on the other foot, would your loved one be moping around miserable?

For siblings it's like this. Can you stop getting up and taking care of your children? Can you just stop loving your husband? You lost a sister/brother and that is a horrific loss and pain, but your world does not stop. Your heart keeps beating, you have her/him tucked into your heart, but you still manage to work, go to school, raise a family, entertain friends, have a life to some degree, because you carry Shanny (in our case), in your heart, always. She has been your sister for all the years of your life and will always be in your hearts, in that special place where no one can take her away. Remember, she is at peace in Heaven and wants the same for you here on earth. Seek God, and find peace.

I was angry when I watched people go on about their lives for a while. Because I didn't understand how anyone could do that to Shannon. Now, I understand people are carrying her memory in their hearts. They are not forgetting her at all. She holds a special place in my heart, Jason's heart, Kim and Tina's heart and all the hearts that knew her and always will, that  is the power of love.

I never under estimate the power of God, He is almighty and sovereign. He understands and knows our hearts. He acknowledges every beat. He knows our pain and if we trust Him, He will heal us and open our hearts again. I can't think of anything sadder than a heart that is afraid to love, especially , if it once held the love of someone so special as Shannon.

I will pray for all those that cannot move through their pain. Because I know You, Father are the greatest Healer of all. You held me until I was ready to walk and You wipe my tears of grief when they overflow my eyes. We journey together, Lord and you are my comfort in this time of sadness. You give me strength and courage to take the next step and face the tomorrow that could mean my heart will one day be healed but it will never be empty. You have given me a heart that loves You and you and you, because I know the power of prayer and faith as a mother grieves.