Friday, August 17, 2012

Ten More Days

Ten days from today you came into my life for the very first moment at mid-afternoon on a hot, humid day. I was huge by that time, swollen and cranky and so ready for you to be born. I was miserable from the summer heat and wildly excited to have my first baby. Scared, and ecstatic all at the same time..I remember
all the false alarms, the whole family coming to the hospital and waiting patiently, only to be told-to go home, you weren't to be born that day..but a few weeks later, it was all so very real.

Having just turned twenty one a few months earlier and wanting desperately to prove my maturity to my family, I gritted my teeth and said-no drugs, I want to have a natural childbirth. Several hours later, I changed my mind, but it was too late. By 3:20 in the afternoon I was tired and you were well on your way, but decided to take just a few more minutes to make your first dramatic entry-that should have been a sign to me. My life was about to change, forever.

At 3:27 you came into this world with a sweet little wail and reddish blond hair, all 8 pounds and 6 ounces of you. You were so welcomed by so many. Tiny and beautiful, proclaimed all in good health by the doctors and ready to go home a few days later. I was terrified as a new mother. Terrified of failing. I wasn't sure how to nurse you, change you, bathe you, feed you, or "swaddle" you. Hence, the march of the Grandmothers began. First, Great-grandmother Tillie, then Grandma Rosenthal, then Mi-Mi, all were  marvelous when I look back, so loving and knowledgeable, kind and concerned for both you and me. They all knew that being a new mom meant a lot of sleepless nights and busy days. What I didn't know about was a little thing called post-par tum blues. I had gained a lot of weight, about 76 pounds, and I was depressed and guilt-ridden. I wanted my size 2 body, not this size 14 post-delivery, when are you due body.

I joined a gym and eight weeks later, I was a nursing, fat-free, yogurt-eating mother on a serious diet. But I was healthy and happy and on my way to smiling again. I could now feed you, burp you, bathe you, change you, and dress you without the fear of breaking a limb. All was good in the world of my newborn! Friends and family came to visit and raved about your beauty. You were a very sweet, content baby, who loved to play and smile and had a favorite blankie, thanks to your Mi-Mi. You were my first little Angel that God blessed me with, and I was overjoyed.

In ten days, I will celebrate that day, your birth into this world. There is also a sadness about that day now. For it is no longer a day we can celebrate together. Your home is now in Heaven, with Your Heavenly Father. It is a beautiful memory, though. A blessing from above, just like you. And I will always cherish that day, the way I cherish you. I will keep it dear and near to my heart, where I keep you, as I thank God for my blessings, because this mother knows the power of prayer and faith as a mother grieves!