But, living a good life because it FEELS good, that could be enough, even if there wasn't more-but my faith and the word of God promises there is. Doing something nice for someone brings a smile to my face and spring to my step. I especially like it when it is done quietly and on the spur of the moment. Without my planning, but in God's timing, according to His will. I like the feeling of reaching out to someone and bringing a smile to a face. It might be selfish, but God knows my heart is filled with good meaning.
Life in this world, for some is not always pleasant. For others, it is downright pitiful, but for some; what is that saying? Some fall in a vat of Sh*t and come out smelling like a rose! I have friends whose lives appear that way on the outside, but when I talk with them, it isn't always so. Smiles can be deceptive. There can be hidden pain behind shining eyes. It is only through real conversation-a heart to heart that truth tells the real story. There is no shame between friends.
When life throws us a curve, like grief-we get lost sometimes. It can be a respite of sorts to wander midst the pain for days, weeks and sometimes, even months. We may choose to lose ourselves in sleep, food, alcohol or drugs. We may simply isolate or lose touch with family and friends. We might decide to take a leave of absence from work, or life.
After all, if we do not believe in anything after this life-and we just lost someone that meant a great deal to us, someone we will never see or touch or feel again, why recover? But we do not know if there is a hereafter.
We do not know if eternity is real. There are those that say they have had a close brush with death and have seen Heaven. Then, the argument was, it was the trauma or the drugs that caused the hallucination, it couldn't be real. Why? How does anyone know what is or isn't real? Really? If I have to choose, I am choosing
GOD! I know He is REAL! I have all I need right in front of me to prove it. It's called a bible, with His word. And that is all I need. I will continue to pray for those that are unsure, unaware or lost. I will pray for those that don't believe but don't know why. And I will pray for those that don't want others to believe. Prayer is one way I stay strong on my journey. I pray a lot, mostly it sounds like conversation with the Lord, but I thank Him a lot and ask a lot of questions and sometimes, I get angry. I am blessed He is so forgiving and tolerant and merciful. On a bad day, He hears from me a lot! On a good day, He still hears from me a lot, its just in a lighter tone.
My whole point is this. Yes, I am grieving. I miss my daughter like I lost her yesterday. It has been a year and a half ago. The pain lessens as I become stronger in the knowledge that I believe she is still with me in spirit. She is not of this world, not in body, but I carry her with me in my heart. She visits me and every hummingbird is a sign she is close by. I believe in the hereafter and I believe in the Heavenly Father. I am blessed in my daily walk with Jesus. He is there for you, too. So, why not believe?
I will continue to thank God for my blessings and I will pray always-because I know the power of prayer and faith as a mother grieves.