Saturday, November 10, 2012

Today is the Day

Today is the day I say to myself as I wake and stretch.
Today is the day that all of this will make sense to me.
The whys and whens and how comes.
And then I open my eyes. Nothing has changed. It doesn't make any more sense today than it did 
yesterday, or the day before that.
Shannon's death was a pure and simple accident that was not supposed to happen.
At least, not according to my will. And I am sure, not according to a lot of other people's
way of thinking either.
But, we are not God. We do not know the BIG picture. I, for one, do not understand it, nor claim to
grasp it. I only know this-if God chose it for Shannon-it is right.
Then, I sigh.
Am I still sad?
Yes.
Does it change anything?
No.
Will the answer be different tomorrow?
No.
Will I feel different tomorrow?
Maybe.
That is what faith and prayer are all about.
They change people.
Other people's prayer changes people. I have felt it. In my heart.
I have felt the healing begin.
Every day is not the same. Some days are harder than others. Some days I cry deep, wrenching sobs that 
come from my gut, they hurt.
Some days, I am at peace.
That means I am human. 
God understands me every day. He loves me-every day.
He surrounds me- every day with His love, I just need to desire it, and it is mine. 
He never leaves me, but waits patiently for me to call on Him-Father, Daddy, Abba..
I need you. He is there, to comfort as only He can.
So, today will be the day. 
I will continue to pray because I know the power of prayer and faith as a mother grieves.