There is no right or wrong way to grieve. There is no time frame. There is no limit on tears and there is no question you may not ask. There is no feeling you cannot feel, no emotion you may not experience and no person who will take the same journey. No loss is the same, no suffering greater than or less than-no pain that hurts more..
And there are days that will start out with a smile and suddenly you will dissolve into tears and not know why. The very next day, you may wake up with one eye open and the other tightly closed against the possibility of another day of heartbreak, and you will notice the sun shining and the birds singing. All will be right with the world, enjoy it, because it may not last too long.
Life is strange that way-it sneaks up on us. Making us vulnerable and emotional, a ball of feelings with none making a lot of sense most of the time. Giddy with the stress of a lack of sleep, you find yourself laughing for no apparent reason, then screeching at the dog or cat to get off the couch..then you go into a tailspin over a commercial and you burst into tears-just because. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Your feelings are finding a way out, appropriate or not, they will find a way out.
I really try to focus on good memories. Positive, loving thoughts that make me smile. Pictures that I loved when Shanny was young, and seeing her with Jas and the kids. I loved to see her smile. Shannon had a vibrant, beautiful smile that could bring joy to your heart. Sometimes, it's enough-sometimes, I need to pray.
Some days, I like being alone with my thoughts. I know the difference now between isolating and being alone. Comforting myself and taking caring of myself with quiet alone time, in thought and prayer is just what I need some days. Other days, I find the need to reach out and volunteer my time elsewhere, helping someone else..
Whatever you do, when it sneaks up on you-grab it-embrace it-for what it is. And always remember to pray-because we know the power of prayer and faith as a mother grieves!