Sunday, February 10, 2013

Shanny's 2nd Year Angel Date

Two years ago today, my precious baby left this earth for another life. In terms of missing her, it is like yesterday. The pain is still raw at times. The hurt is still fresh, and the tears still flow freely some days. But, I have come closer to adjusting to living in this world without Shanny being physically part of it. I still long for her and miss her terribly, but I am making sense of my pain and working through it now.

Today, I breathed in and closed my eyes and just felt her. I felt her in church with us during mass, and as we held hands during the Our Father. I felt her as we sang, I heard her off-key little voice and suddenly realized it was me singing loud and proud, and just as off-key, but God loves a cheerful giver..

Shanny traveled the distance to PSR and livened up the class with Gussy and his friends. Aunt Kim was with Evie and her class, and J-Bug was busy with his group. Before you knew it, we were headed home and all was good for another Sunday. I tried to keep it very low key, not wanting to overwhelm the kids with my emotions of the day. Jason Sr., is amazing with his strength and how he shares his love with his kids. He is truly someone I respect and love. Watching him, gives me a sense of hope, and I am so grateful for the role of grandma (MeeMaw) he lets me have with the kids. I am learning so much and enjoying and growing each and every day I spend with my grand angels.

Kim and I picked Tina up and headed over to the cemetery. When we visit there, we don't mourn so much as we gather and talk. We go there and talk with Shanny just like she were here with us, and add her into our conversation and tell stories and hug and kiss, and sometimes sing. Yes, sometimes we cry. But, it's where we go to visit now, so it isn't always sad. To some, we may look silly or crazy-but to us, we are family. And always will be.

So, to say we 'celebrated' her 2nd Angel date..not so much. Remembered it-definitely. We will never forget that day, it will forever be burned in our minds. How we choose to recall it, is up to each of us. I will always remember her with love and laughter and respect and goodness, and prayer.

I pray every day, for Shanny, for my family and for those who mourn a loved one. I am blessed because I am open to God's healing love. Once I asked God and the Holy Spirit for direction and healing-it was mine.
You don't have to be any special religion, God doesn't ask for credentials, He created us all. Just ask for help, I promise, one mother to another, it will get better..

We all have the ability to communicate with our loved ones. Your love does not stop because your child is not on earth. Love surpasses this world, believe- love travels far and wide! When you close your eyes, and think of your child or loved one, feel them, wrap your arms around them  and hug them tight. If you are open to receiving messages from your loved one, you will. I love when Shanny surprises me with a card or a note, sometimes it is her scent or she will come to me in a dream.

And pray-always, because we know the power of prayer and faith as a mother grieves.