Saturday, June 29, 2013

I Hope I Matter

Some days it's hard to tell with people, isn't it?
If we matter-if our feelings matter. If our grief matters.

Some days the best we can hope for, is that people remember, we have lost a child. They often forget because they are so caught up in day to day normal stuff. Stuff that used to matter to me. Important stuff, like  news and politics and even some sports, I guess. But, not any more. Not really.

Now, I am really doing good if I can focus a complete day on my work without losing it. Most folks just don't get it though.
I am not angry anymore. That takes too much energy. I used to get my feelings hurt. Not anymore. Now, I chalk it up to ignorance. People who have never walked my path, can't know the journey. I can't expect them to understand. I can't even really expect them to care. After all, they have their own lives. So, I take a deep breath and pray for strength and courage. We are all on different paths. Even those that haven't lost a child, doesn't mean they aren't struggling with issues of their own. Sometimes, losing a child to drugs or to the streets, can be devastating as well. I am trying to learn to reach out to people, instead of comparing my grief to theirs. I am not in a contest to see who can suffer more. Pain is pain. A hand to hold, is comforting-I need not know from where the hand appears. The fact, that God brings us together is enough. I know from today forward there is one more person who will understand. God says it is so. There will be one more prayer said, one more hug or one more thought in the universe. Truth is, we all matter.

Never judge a person by their looks, a smile can hide a million tears. It only takes one question, to validate a person's journey. "How are you?" 

Truth be told, most people stop listening before they finish asking the question. As the story goes, the hope is  the resounding simplified answer is: fine. No strings attached. No harm, no foul. Right? No need to engage any further, and I am back to texting or Pinterest or Facebook.

Are we really such shallow human beings that we can't stop for one minute and actually care about someone else? Or does our fear of having to invest a little time in someone else frustrate us that much. Is it such a huge distraction from our otherwise important day. Will other events be compromised because we paused for a moment to consider someone else's day or needs for even a moment? I don't think so.

My personal feelings are that it goes a lot deeper. Death is a very touchy subject for a lot of people. If it hasn't crept into my world yet, why tempt fate. I mean I don't want to disturb the flow of the planets or whatever cycle I have been on and the odds have been good to me so far, right? Maybe, the only close family member you've lost so far has been a grand parent or cousin or aunt. Maybe a neighbor or old classmate. Why rock the boat..if I don't talk about it, think about it, or acknowledge it-it might just pass me over and I won't have to deal with it. I know, death has touched many lives of those close to me. I did my part, I went to the wake. I stood at the back of the church for the funeral. And I meant to send that card, I just never got around to it. I'm sure enough time has passed by now, no one will even remember..

Do you fit into that scenario? Please take a moment-say a prayer or offer a kind thought for those who are suffering and working their way through their journey. If you can't meet them along the path with a kind word or a hug, a simple wave or hello helps.

You know, the only thing they are really thinking is-I hope I matter..they don't want their loved ones forgotten, that's all. It's as simple as that. No pressure, but if you ask, how are you? Please, wait for an answer.

As always-I'll continue to pray, because I know the power of prayer and faith as a mother grieves and heals!