Thursday, June 27, 2013
Why should I have to label what it means to me? Grief is overwhelming sadness. No, it's more than that; it's regret mixed in and guilt and longing and missed moments and a myriad of emotions rolled into one. Happy now?
What makes you ask?
You want to understand? Well, that's different. (Notice a shift in my tone.) Have you ever experienced a devastating loss? One that hurt so much it took your breath away when you were told? Well, multiply that number by an unimaginable amount, and you might, maybe-have a glimpse of what it feels like to lose a child.
This isn't a competition. I am not trying to convince you my pain is greater than your pain. You asked, remember?
What do you mean, does it matter how old the child...don't even finish the sentence. You aren't really serious, are you? So, you define grief by age? So, if I were pregnant with my child, my grief would be negligible, right? You couldn't be more wrong!
You see, some mothers and fathers actually have the privilege of holding their babies and hearing their hearts beat. Some are allowed to feed them, and change their diapers, and burp them and get up at all hours of the night with them. I was denied those memories. I will never hear my baby's cry. Do you have any idea how much that hurts my heart?
Another young mom tearfully adds, what about the baby whose voice is lost to this world after just a few short months due to SIDS? Am I to grieve any less, because I didn't see my child grow up to be like his father? Do you really not understand the precious gift God gives us each time a baby is born?
Am I shouting to to an empty room? Do you hear yourselves? Would you ask yourselves the same questions if you were talking about the stock market crashing or an investment going south? Do you grieve over those things? Do you feel deeply on a level about your finances, which is something that I can't understand, maybe?
What about the child lost in a car accident or the child murdered? Does a parent grieve according to circumstance? Does my child being lost due to physician error, make her death any more or less horrendous than, the child's death on the news in Oklahoma or Colorado?
I am not competing for compassion. I don't need pity. I have my peace that many find elusive. God is granting me comfort and He will comfort you. You only need ask. There is joy in the midst of grief. There is a reason to get through today and look to tomorrow.
Today grief presents itself and challenges my will to grow past the pain. Let tomorrow define itself. Perhaps grief will not seem so strong and I will rise to meet the challenge with a determination and a will to conquer grief, and remember when life held more smiles and laughter did not haunt me.
Grieving does not mean death wins. When you believe, death never wins, because to die, only means to move into another life-an eternal , everlasting life, where death does not exist. Where we will hold our babies, and sing lullabies and color in books and read nursery rhymes. Where our adult children will hug us and we can talk as long as we want without waking up from a dream. Where one day, our family will mean all those who are awakened in the spirit of love.
Do not confuse faith and religion. One does not have to have religion to have faith. There are many religions in this world-some serve a higher purpose, others do not. Faith is knowing there is only one higher purpose to serve. You will find your comfort in that knowledge.
Know always, I will pray for you. Because I believe in the power of prayer and faith-as a mother grieves, as a mother heals, always-in all ways.