Friday, June 14, 2013

Let Your Heart Beat Love

Not always easy, right? Even on a normal day, we are faced with challenges. In grief, we are challenged and come up for air and see a glimpse of light. Here is what I have come to know..

My heart stopped beating when I was told Shanny died. Part of me wanted to die with her. God said no. I had to find a way to fight through the pain of living without her until I could feel life again. I have a very supportive husband, two beautiful living daughters and eight grand angels who breathe love. They have brought me back to life. My family and my friends have shown me what unconditional love truly is during the last two years. 

The power of prayer is an amazing gift. It is there for all of us to share. When you are ready, it will be there for you. Your family and friends can do the praying for you when you can't find the way or the words. Just let your heart beat love.

And when you are dreaming and you feel your child alive in your hug, and you want to hold them forever and feel their arms around you; enjoying the dream and almost forcing yourself to stay asleep. When you waken to the dawn of a day, and realize the moment was dream, hold tight to that memory, cherish the moment and let your heat beat love.

When you are enjoying time with your grand angels, sharing ice cream and getting sticky-lit it dribble down your chin and feel the cool tickle, enjoy the giggle and let your heart beat love.

Coloring a picture and sharing crayons, making animal sounds, counting out loud and singing songs-making colorful memories to tuck away for a sadder day, breathe in the innocence of the love of your grand children and thank God for His blessings and let your heart beat love.

Watching TV and snuggling on the couch, telling a joke and giggling together. Holding hands on the patio and sharing dessert, that's love and friendship with my husband, I am thankful and my heart beats love.

Watching my sons-in-law with my daughters is wonderful, watching them with my grandchildren is priceless. My eyes take in the beauty and my heart beats love. Thank you for letting me share in this family.

Some days I have to push forward. I get stuck in the sadness. The tears flow freely and I can't always stop them. They water the flowers in my Shanny garden and I miss her so much I physically hurt. I get anxious and I try to pray. If I can't pray, I just talk. God listens. He hears all my words whether in prayer, in moans, or in anger. He holds me up when I am weak, and He soothes me when I need comfort. He helps me remember to take a deep breath and just let my heart beat love.

Knowing I can close my eyes and rest assured my daughter is safe in the hands of my Heavenly Father, makes this Journey hopeful-for tomorrow, for every tomorrow. It gives me peace and my eyes can take in the beauty that God sets before us in the sunrise and blue sky. I can feel the love of my family and friends, because God's mercy and grace are abundant. I can take a deep breath and exhale slowly because I am not afraid to experience the grief, because there is joy in the midst of it-if we allow our heart to beat love.

Me? I will always pray-because I know the power of prayer and faith as a mother grieves, and the comfort it brings as a mother heals.