Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Two Short Weeks

August 27, 2013. My Shanny would be 37 years young. Her birthday will be celebrated Heaven-side. I don't know that I feel any less sad this year, than I did last year. I have had another year to 'adjust' as people say. Somehow, that doesn't include feeling less pain.

The family has celebrated each year in the past. The first year we had a big celebration in her honor, she was to turn 35, and there was already party plans in the works. We did not disappoint! People gathered and there was music and a lot of pictures being taken that day. There was a video of Shanny playing, and we had bracelets made for her. She was a Recycler, big time!

Last year we celebrated with white feathers and balloons and sweets. We each wrote a special message on a balloon and released them to her as the party drew to a close. I know she was there with us, I could feel her presence and see her smile.

This year, I don't know if I am up to a party. I miss her terribly and want to hear her laughter again. If only Heaven allowed us to visit our loved ones-even if it was just to gather her in my arms and hold her close. I'd love the chance to wish her a Happy Birthday in person. I seem strong to many people who know me. My faith is what gets me through, but there is nothing strong about me some days. I can hardly breathe, I miss her so much. My heart beats but it isn't singing today.

In two short weeks, this day will pass and I will get through it. Prayer and faith keep me close to God especially when I am sad and weak for missing her. He gently heals my heart and plays a soft tune of love and remembrance. I can close my eyes and hear the music of her spirit. She knows my love, and God brings hers to me through sweet memories and the promise that one day, I will see her and hold her and sing my song to her.

Until then, I try to take one day at a time. Always, prayerful and honest with God. He knows my sadness and my joy. He does not expect more of me than I expect of myself, He just gives me safe harbor when the storm rages. He gently soothes me and reminds me that Heaven is awaiting and He will come for me when the time is right. I need only trust in Him to find the comfort that only He can offer.

As the day draws near, I remember birthdays past. From little on, I knew Shanny loved a good party. I imagine Heaven can put one together that I can't even imagine. I hope there are flowers and cake and balloons, and maybe a rainbow just for her that day!

For now, I will pray for peace and strength-and a rainbow, just for her. Blessings!

I know the power of prayer and faith as a mother grieves. If I can help you in any way, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Many (((hugs))),
Rose