Thursday, February 9, 2012

The Day It All Began

It's so hard to belive-a year has gone by and I remember it like it was yesterday. Jas called about 2:30 in the afternoon from the ER. Shannon is having some problems and they want to run some tests, she'd really like it if you came up to be with her...and I left work, went home, grabbed a few things and went straight to the hospital, knowing I wouldn't be home again that night. If Shanny had to spend the night, so did I. It didn't matter that she was 34 years old. It didn't matter that I was married and had to work the next day. It didn't matter, that people would think I was overreacting..she was scared and I was staying. That's all that mattered. Shanny was scheduled for a stress test the next morning, it was more for precaution said one was due to a bad EKG said another nurse..but before morning we had to get through the night. Jas stayed and then went and picked up the kids and brought them up to visit with mom. I kept a low profile, reading while they visited, praying, worrying and trying to look like all was good. When visiting hours were over, Jas slowly said his good-byes and the kids gave their hugs and kisses and off they went promising to talk in the morning, and 3 little tired beings and 1 grown one made their way out of the room and down the hall to the elevator. Shannon and I were quiet at first, and then little by little we danced with the elephant in the room. I scooted my chair closer to her bed and took her hand. "I love you. I am so proud of you. I know you are scared, but you are doing this this anyway, because you love Jas and the kids so much, you're doing it to make sure you are really all right. I 'm proud you are facing your fear."  "Mom, I am scared. Something just doesn't feel right." "I know, and that's why this is so important." I took her hand in mine and gently kissed her fingertips and then I stroked her silky hair and kissed her forehead. God will be with you, I said.
She got up and puttered around the room a bit, talked on the phone, worked on her laptop, read for a while, and wrote love notes to her hubby and kids. That was Shanny, though...always thinking of what others were feeling. In this case, what effect her being in the hospital was having on the kids and Jas. Through her fear, she prayed her rosary and tossed and turned. We spoke in spurts through the night-little words of love, 'do you need anything?' 'Mom, are you still here?' ' Hold my hand'...'I'm right here, sweetie'...Even though I honestly thought she was going to be fine and come home with us in a day or two, I didn't like seeing her frightened and so vulnerable. My head was telling me I was being over protective and probably over reacting to the situation, but my heart was telling me I was right where I needed to be.  Soon, I could hear her breathing and I closed my eyes and slept until I heard the nurse in the morning, and Shanny was moving about the room. Another day to hurry up and wait. Another day to worry, give it to God, wrestle it back, and pray for patience because no one was in a hurry to find any answers. A stress test is a reasonably simple test for a healthy young 34 year old woman. Except Shanny had questions, and the doctor had a short supply of patience and understanding. What about me? I had a case of the "Mother needs a word with the doctor." 
Shanny looked so upset after her stress test it nearly broke my heart. There she was in a wheelchair in the hall.."I think I made him really mad at me." I knew this wasn't going to be simple...