Friday, February 10, 2012

Words Are Powerful

The doctor had chastised Shanny for her fear of the dye and drug they put in the stress test to measure your heart rate and your reaction. I am not medically inclined at all, so I have no idea what they wanted to do or use but I do know my daughter. She was scared for a reason. After Shanny got settled down in her room, she said, "Mom, I just don't want them to use that drug, (she knew the name) it makes my heart race and I don't need it. I asked the doctor about the dye and he got really ugly with me. I just need time to digest it all mom, I have to understand it a little better." That made sense to me, so I went in search of someone to explain it to her. Thankfully, a wonderful nurse was on duty and she came in later with a computer print out and notes and went through the procedure with Shannon so she could understand everything and it quieted her anxiety. I can't help thinking if that doctor had taken just a moment to think about what she was feeling, instead of being in such a hurry, she would have been more emotionally prepared for that stress test. Shannon, agreed to the stress test with the dye and I thought we were in for a peaceful night.
Jas and the kids came up to visit, and I stayed until visiting hours were over for the night. As I got ready to go, Shanny asked-Mom, are you leaving? I said, yes-I needed to get home and showered and I'd go into work in the morning and then come in when she knew about what time she was to have her test. I could see the disappointment, but I really felt she was going to be okay through the night. Jas and the kids stayed a while and we managed to sneak in ice cream for everyone and lots of hugs. Eventually, I did leave about 9:30 that evening after Jas and the kids, and Shanny although not happy promised to call me in the morning so I knew what time to come up.
On the way home, I cried and prayed at the same time..please let her be ok. She looks just fine, Lord. Please just let this be a test and nothing more. For so long, Shanny had wanted me to spend more time with her..I was always too busy. Work, new marriage, new job, jewelry business..but I did manage to do Children's Liturgy with her and we really enjoyed that together.We bonded over my jewelry business. She encouraged me to do things I wanted to do but wasn't sure I could.  When I look back, her simple request was for my time, my love, something I should have given much more freely than I did. But in life, there are no do-overs when you lose a loved one. There are do-betters. I am learning how to set my priorities according to God's will and not my own. That is helping me every day on my journey. I had to learn to be quiet and listen, and for folks who know me...that can be a challenge, am I right?