Words Are Powerful

The doctor had chastised Shanny for her fear of the dye and drug they put in the stress test to measure your heart rate and your reaction. I am not medically inclined at all, so I have no idea what they wanted to do or use but I do know my daughter. She was scared for a reason. After Shanny got settled down in her room, she said, "Mom, I just don't want them to use that drug, (she knew the name) it makes my heart race and I don't need it. I asked the doctor about the dye and he got really ugly with me. I just need time to digest it all mom, I have to understand it a little better." That made sense to me, so I went in search of someone to explain it to her. Thankfully, a wonderful nurse was on duty and she came in later with a computer print out and notes and went through the procedure with Shannon so she could understand everything and it quieted her anxiety. I can't help thinking if that doctor had taken just a moment to think about what she was feeling, instead of being in such a hurry, she would have been more emotionally prepared for that stress test. Shannon, agreed to the stress test with the dye and I thought we were in for a peaceful night.
Jas and the kids came up to visit, and I stayed until visiting hours were over for the night. As I got ready to go, Shanny asked-Mom, are you leaving? I said, yes-I needed to get home and showered and I'd go into work in the morning and then come in when she knew about what time she was to have her test. I could see the disappointment, but I really felt she was going to be okay through the night. Jas and the kids stayed a while and we managed to sneak in ice cream for everyone and lots of hugs. Eventually, I did leave about 9:30 that evening after Jas and the kids, and Shanny although not happy promised to call me in the morning so I knew what time to come up.
On the way home, I cried and prayed at the same time..please let her be ok. She looks just fine, Lord. Please just let this be a test and nothing more. For so long, Shanny had wanted me to spend more time with her..I was always too busy. Work, new marriage, new job, jewelry business..but I did manage to do Children's Liturgy with her and we really enjoyed that together.We bonded over my jewelry business. She encouraged me to do things I wanted to do but wasn't sure I could.  When I look back, her simple request was for my time, my love, something I should have given much more freely than I did. But in life, there are no do-overs when you lose a loved one. There are do-betters. I am learning how to set my priorities according to God's will and not my own. That is helping me every day on my journey. I had to learn to be quiet and listen, and for folks who know me...that can be a challenge, am I right?