Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Monday, Monday...remember that song?  Life was so simple-but there is joy amidst the grief. For me, it often comes in the form of my grandchildren. Over the weekend, it was a birthday party for my grandson, Mikey. He gives great hugs and has the sweetest of wishes...will you play with me? How can you not smile and find the inner peace in that simple and loving request? I am blessed with Eight such wonderful little people in my life. They all have their own personalities that I dearly love. I am beginning to get to know each one through finding out what it is they enjoy. Because it isn't all about me! Last night I got a great phone call. My granddaughter Evie wanted MeeMaw to come over. What a treat. A year ago I would probably have said I was too tired, too frustrated from work, too full of myself..but God is teaching me, this journey isn't just about myself. If I open my eyes and close my mouth (He whispers in a loving way) you will find some joy in the midst of your grief, I promise. He has never let me down so far..
So, after our own version of American Idol, stowing away on a Pirate Ship, taking refuge in a Giant Castle and playing hide-n-seek, I felt sufficiently loved for one evening. I am able to accept that some days kids aren't in a giving mood. They might be in a "needy" place. As grown ups, we really aren't much different. So, at the end of the night if they don't jump in my arms and exclaim thsat I am the best MeeMaw in the whole wide world-it's okay. They just gave me more than they could ever know-they gave me a glimpse of their world, and that is priceless.
What I am learning on this journey is that sometimes pain is necessary. Sometimes, we create our own pain, and sometimes we grow out of the pain. God will never give us more than we can handle-pain, grief or sadness, we just need to reach beyond ourselves for joy. Reach out and put your arms around a child-that's joy!
As this week draws closer to the 10th, I feel myself begin to withdraw a little. I am hurting. I miss my child, my baby. But I will not close out the moments of joy that each day can bring and I can share. I ask God for strength and courage and only the wisdom I need to do His will. Soon, I will begin my journey through the last year and how I got to "now." Writing is such a pressure release. It physically helps relieve the pain of the grief. Sharing is so wonderful-even if no one reads it-the written word-heals.