Friday, March 9, 2012

All Wrapped Up

I prayed for direction...and I got it. I wanted a sign from Shanny, and I felt her presence and her spirit. Sunday was such an amazing day with Gussie and all. So, when Wednesday came I said a quick prayer. Lord, let me be patient. I am going to see the kids for a craft night, sand art and American Idol. But for me, it is so much more. I pray on it daily. I ask for direction and guidance about how to be a good grandma and how to step up and help Jason without stepping on his toes. This is a real blessing for me and I am excited! God gets me, and I am grateful for that..while some may not understand my constant prayer for direction-the Lord does.  He knows I wasn't always Grandma of the year. There was a time, not too long ago, when I was too old, too busy, or too tired. That was the litany of my excuses, take your pick.
I am not proud of my recent past (within the last few years I have made an effort to be more engaged.)
but it is, nonetheless, the truth.

The truth? I was very self-absorbed. I was single, over 50, had a very active social life and wasn't really aware of the necessity to cultivate a rigorous grandma appeal with my 8 little blessings..I do accept responsibility for that now.

I was also unattached..that has changed and I am very happily married to a wonderful man with a heart of gold..who also gets me, craziness and all! He knows my heart and my intentions are good, if not a little misguided at times. He knows I love my daughters passionately, and would gladly have changed places with my daughter Shannon. He also knows that my faith has made this journey of grief survivable for me. Without God and faith-I have nothing. I am nothing.

I loved hearing Evie screech, "MeeMaw's here!" before she peeked out the window and opened the door. I was welcomed with a big Eva hug and smile. Those moments are so very special to me. Not too far behind is Gus, "hey,MeeMaw..can we do our craft now?" His excitement at my visit brings a smile to my face. I waited all day for this. Thank you Lord, for these magical moments in my day. I feel Shanny in these moments. I feel her presence, her spirit, her closeness and her guidance. I want to take a moment and thank you and Glorify You for this and so much more, Lord!

JD is on the couch watching TV and he smiles as I come into the room. "MeeMaw I got my spacers-see?" He opens wide and sure enough, there they are blue spacers in his teeth. "WOW! Did that hurt?" We talked about his braces and then moved on to his homework which was about Boas and Pythons. In my best grandma voice I said, snakes are very interesting creatures, aren't they? (Inside my skin is crawling, I really don't like snakes..) So, about the sand art bottles..

After doing a sun catcher with Evie, 3 sand art bottles with green, blue, orange and pink sand and three budding artists, we sat down to American Idol. Before we knew it our evening was winding 
down. But not before I got a few good snuggles, some race car driving with Gus, a good back scratching with JD, and a promise from Evie for a girls day out! We made plans for Jason's concert the next evening and PaPa arrived within a few minutes.

Before I left for the evening, Gus brought me his Momma's blanket, we snuggled and as I gathered him in my arms and held him, wrapped in his Momma's love-I could feel her with me. When I closed my eyes, I could breathe in her sweetness. I miss her. I know she is watching over her little ones, and one grandma who is learning..

My heart filled with love for my grand children, their mother and You, Lord. You have us all wrapped in Your blanket of love. Thank you for the comforting warmth You provide when I am cold with sadness and grief. Thank you for Your forever love.