Saturday, May 5, 2012

Good Grief!

I believe today with the sun shining and the warmth creeping into my bones, this will be a good day.
I will try to do something good for someone else today, so that my grief will seem further away, at least for a time.
I will reach out if I need to, my family and friends love me, they understand my need to remember, to talk, to visit Shanny, if only in memories..
I will pray. I call it having a conversation with God, because I don't repeat memorized prayers so much as I talk with Him, and I try to listen with my heart when He speaks to me.
I will take a walk today. I will breathe in her scent in the flowers of Spring and see her in the butterflies and hummingbirds.
I will listen to the sounds of nature today. They can calm my wounded heart and nourish my soul. A God that can provide such beautiful music knows my heart and my needs, and He does provide.
I will listen to the song of the birds, as they sing to one another and pour out their love song. If I am strong enough today, I will sing my song..I make them up. I may not be able to sing on key, but God hears my joyful noise and He smiles.
And if the rain comes later in the day, I will take refuge from the storm, or dance in the rain. I like to march in the puddles and make a big splash!
God does not ask us to mourn without a glad heart. I believe He wants us to recognize His goodness far surpasses what this world has to offer.
I believe He wants me to Trust in Him and know that with her last breath in life on earth, He was already holding her hand and welcoming her into Heaven as she took her first breath of eternal life.
These are my beliefs and they calm my hurting heart. They console and heal me when the pain still comes and the sleeplessness awakens me to the reality, she is not of this world any longer..when that
pain takes my breath away, I pray for grace. Grace, to accept His will, not understanding, I will never understand tragedy while I am of this life, but I can pray for acceptance and grace to reach beyond my pain and do something good for someone else. Because in doing good, it hurts less.
There is beauty in the day that God has made..embrace it, live it, share it!
I know my Shanny would not want me to be sad just to be sad, because I thought that was expected. Grief is different for everyone. Sadness takes on its own form. It morphs into many different shapes. But Shanny would want me to greet the day and make the most of it, love her children, don't let them forget their mommy, and she would say..
"Good Grief, Mom...get up and get moving..it's a beautiful day, don't waste it!"
To honor her memory, I am trying to experience 'good grief'..
Love you, Shanny-hugs and kisses all the way to heaven!
Mom