Sunday, June 17, 2012

Sit Next to Me

Today is a special day. I felt Shanny's presence strongly today. I have prayed for a while now to feel her closeness, to comfort me. I miss her so much. God is an awesome God. In His time, He brings us where we need to be.

Last night I spent time with J-Bug, Evie and Gus. I had Olivia with me so Tina could study. What a group they made. Shannon would have been happy I think, to see the cousins playing together and MeeMaw crazy in the midst of it all! Between, TV shows, our own talent show by Eva-Diva and the Gustard, with a little help from LuLu, and then Pizza and video games, and more pirates and make-believe...it was a successful night of Mee Maw time! The kids always lift my spirits. They teach me what life is really all about-the important part anyway.

So, when I walked into church today, I had much to be thankful for this morning. There was a calmness in me that I hadn't felt for while. Peacefulness that came over me and quieted my spirit. I closed my eyes and began to commune with God. I praised Him for my family, for the Fathers of my grandchildren. All three of my sons-in-law are very special to me. They are all very wonderful fathers. I have a special relationship with each one-each relationship a little different, because each one of them is different. I truly love and respect each one of them and feel blessed to have them in my life.

Then, as mass began, I prayed for forgiveness for my down falls during the week. However, I may have let God down-and I am sure I did, I asked Him to forgive me and strengthen me in His likeness, to be a better servant and to rely on Him more and myself less. I asked Him to guide my every waking moment and to nourish me as I slept. I asked that He guide me in my faith and lead me only in His path. I so want to know only His word and His ways. As I prayed, I began to feel lighthearted and joyful. I took the kids to Childrens' Liturgy and we made little wrapped flowers for Fathers Day and thanked the fathers for their planting of seeds of faith in our lives. When we came back from liturgy, I watched as the kids rejoined their dad, and I noticed just how much they truly loved him. How they held his hands and snuggled in close to him. I watched as he stroked their heads and patted their hands, rubbed their backs and kissed their heads. I remember when Shannon was here-it was much the same-only they both shared those privileges. The kids loved them equally and divided their love between both of them-but they don't have that blessing any longer.
Mommy isn't there to hold Gussie and rock him, or rub Eva's back and hold her hand. She isn't there to hug J-Bug or kiss his forehead.

So, when I felt Shanny's spirit, I patted the pew-sit next to me, I beckoned. I envisioned her where she always sat-next to me and the kids in the middle of her and Jason. Her beautiful smile beaming. This was when she was happiest. When she had her whole family surrounding her and she was in God's House.
Together, I felt we had quite a conversation. Let me see if I can recall it for you.
Me: Hi,Baby! How are you?
Shanny: Fine, Mom. It's beautiful here.
Me: I have wanted this for so long,sweetie. Just to know you are at peace and happy.
Shanny: Everyone is happy here, Mom. Grandma and Grandpa, Papa, Grandma Tillie, Bill..We are all very busy though. Heaven is a place of beauty beyond anything you can imagine, really. There is no pain and there is no sadness, ever.Only joyfulness..Oh, mom-look,aren't the kids precious? And Jas-he's so handsome. Isn't he just the best, mom? I told you he was a terrific dad!

 And she leaned into me and rested her head on my shoulder, just like she used to do. She snuggled in and for a moment I did not want to move because I believed it was all so real..
Shannon: Mom, I really want to sit close to them, be near them, breathe them in and remember them all over again. They are so beautiful!
Me: Of course, Shanny-then, come, sit next to me so we can remember what it was like..
Shanny: Mom, you can always remember-I am only a thought away. God promised He will never let you forget. I asked Him. I love you, Mom and I promise, I'll be back. Thank you for being there for Jas and the kiddos..I love seeing them with you. It's just like I always wanted it to be, Mom. MEEMAW, I love that name, aren't you glad I came up with it? Now, am I your favorite?

And, before I could give her my standard answer-Shanny, I have no favorites-I love all 3 of my Angels the same..she was off flitting around. I did get a wave and a kiss, though...at least that didn't change...

So, whether or not I was awake when this all happened, I do not know..and I do not especially care. All, I know is My Angel #1 came to visit and sat next to me..the Power of Prayer is amazing and faith, well faith is what keeps me smiling on my journey..God Bless!

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