Sunday, July 22, 2012

The Most Amazing Thing Happened Today

Shanny,
Today is Sunday-Jas posted a picture of the kids at the the beach. They look happy-for kids without their mom. The beach looks pretty-for a beach without you on it-in your little suit and floppy hat. You always looked so graceful and sweet on the beach..just a couple of years ago, you were on that beach with your floppy hat. That's what I can't grasp or understand. The 'why' of it all. What has your death accomplished?
I know God understands my frustration. He doesn't flinch when I ask. My faith is in tact, I just don't get it!
You were so much to so many, here. You were wife, mommy, daughter, sister, friend...so much..
I am blogging to reach others who grieve, Shanny. It helps when we share our pain because we are not alone then. We can vent together, pray together, remember together, and some days, try to forget together..
Am I being selfish, Shanny? Because I miss you so much and I want you here with your family? Does that make me wrong? I believe in God's plan, I do; but my human-ness wants to hug you and kiss you and talk to you on the phone and email you at work, and laugh with you and cry with you and get mad at you and know you are still here with us..every day..to wake up to..that's what my heart says it wants. So, does that make me a bad person?

So, I go to church with a friend today, right? God knows what 's on my heart. He knows the pain, the frustration. I did not plan on attending this service today. It just happened I had this Sunday open and I had been invited to attend this service before, so I called my friend and asked if I could tag along. This is like no service I have been to before. I mean that in a good way..the people gather in fellowship before service and visit and then hear the word of God and sing praise. The vocals are good and the Spirit is there if you want it. Here is the key-they played a new song today..This is not my home..it speaks of earth and knowing we are only passing through, we are just preparing ourselves for Heaven..the pastor spoke of having lost a loved one too soon and feeling out of touch with the loss. That's me, I wanted to shout! Who told him I was coming today? And then, I felt my Shanny..it's okay mom-I am home now. Heaven is my home. It will be your home some day, too, but not yet. You must finish your life on earth first. Only God can decide when you are ready to come home, mom. Please don't feel so sad-there is much you need to do in the world you are in while you are there. You cannot tell God His business. But you have to tend to yours. Mom, you have the girls and grandchildren and family and wonderful friends...they need you and love you.

You are here today because God knows your needs better than you can ever imagine and He knows your desires long before your heart ever feels them. Trust me, mom. When your time comes, it will be far more special than anything you could envision-ever. But, it is not for you to decide. Your job is to pray, to believe and be grateful for the blessings you receive and to trust in the word of the Lord-always in all ways!

And in all her Shanny-ness she had delivered the message she was sent to deliver and she was on her way! I had to smile to myself. Why? You ask...because if she were here, she would have done the very same thing. Yes, I am so very blessed to know the power of prayer and faith as this mother grieves!