Sunday, August 12, 2012

Back to Real

Today is Sunday. I will go to church and sit in the pew with J-Bug, Eva and Gus and remember Shanny. Oh, I will say my prayers and stand, and kneel and make the sign of the cross, but God knows my heart is full of longing for my daughter, especially on Sundays. It was the day I saw her most often. When I take the kids to Children's Liturgy, I still close my eyes and picture her standing with the red Children's book and reading from the Liturgist sheets of the day. Then we would work on our project together with all the kids. I didn't realize it then, just how much it would come to mean to me..those memories are my "real."

How I loved our little chats on the phone. Mostly, it was Shanny calling and whispering...mom, I can't talk long, just called to say hi..or, I'm on my way back into the building but I had a second and thought I would call..and sometimes, she was picking the kids up and I would hear her talking with them most of the way, but she loved me enough to call..that's my "real."

She'd call me and say mom, I have a few little errands to run, want to go? Now, even on a slow day, Shanny could go for hours without blinking. Usually, it meant we would be gone for four or five hours, visit at least that many stores, stop for something to eat, and she would have marked off only about half her list! But, she was still smiling as Gus was sleeping soundly in his car seat, she would say, isn't he just the cutest little guy ever, mom? That's my "real."

I loved to babysit when Shanny and Jason went out somewhere dressy. I loved seeing them together. It always made my heart smile. Jason would be in a fancy suit or tux, and Shanny would be in a cocktail dress with just the right touch of jewelry, I sell jewelry and she wore some of my pieces and modeled them for me
before they left for the evening. She would take your breath away, she was so naturally beautiful..that was my "real."

I remember when she would get her hair done. Shannon had the silkiest, most beautiful blond hair I have seen. But, she was a woman with her own mind and she wanted her hair a certain way..she would go and have it cut and colored to meet her standards, right? Well, when I saw her, it always looked like her own natural hair color, so I couldn't really tell the difference. She would get really upset with me if I didn't comment on her hair, so after a while, I caught on and would say every so often how nice her hair looked and asked her if she had just had it done..that was my "real."

If I could advise you of anything and I am not saying I can, but-if you are given the blessing of time with your children and grand children-get "real" with them. Make memories with them. You don't have to go fancy places or do anything special-being together, sharing time, that is what makes "special" meaningful. Give your child or grand child a 'thing', and they are bound to lose it, break it, or pack it away; give them a memory and you have given them a priceless gift. We don't know God's plan for tomorrow, but we are here today, so let's make the most of it. I know I will, because this mom knows the power of prayer and faith as a mother grieves!