Thursday, August 30, 2012

Pray for Guidance

I woke up about 3:00 am again. I found myself in prayer. I was praying for guidance. I thought I was dreaming at first, and then realized I was simply praying. It was a simple heartfelt prayer asking God for help to bring me closer to Him so I could bring people closer to His gifts. This world is full of them and His promises are for us to share. My heart wants to reach out to others, especially people who are hurting, because I can identify with their pain. I know the feeling of loss. I also know the feeling of being loved by a God who heals.

That is the gift I want to share. God's healing is wrapped in acts of kindness towards others. It is the ability to reach out, the desire to share His love with others. To be the giver of good news. He plants the seed in our hearts and lets it grow. Our blessings come from giving. The more we are open to sharing Him with others, the better we feel. The more I rely on Him, the less frightened and fearful I am.

I miss my daughter terribly, that may never change, but I know my baby is with her Heavenly Father in a most beautiful place I cannot imagine yet. She is at peace, and watches over her family. I still wrestle with the thought of her missing her babies, but I pray on it.

My belief is that I can communicate with her through thought and she communicates with me by leaving signs when she is close by. I also think there are some people that are gifted with the ability to receive messages from our loved ones. I have never experienced this personally, but I have spoken with someone who has studied and receives messages. She is very quick to tell you to pray for guidance and to trust your beliefs.
I found myself feeling very comforted and at peace. My faith is in one true God, so I am not afraid of being misled or harmed in any spiritual way. I just believe I do not have the right to discount this gift as a blessing to help us heal if we choose to reach out to it.

I pray for guidance daily. I pray for acceptance. I pray for strength and courage and some days, patience. I pray to ease the pain, and I pray for others to know God the way I do. I want so much for all of us to know the gifts that Jesus has for us. Whether we are in grief or in the midst of joy, He holds us to Him. He promises us He will never let go. He will never turn away from our sadness or our anger or our confusion or our needs. We may not get the answer to our prayer as we see it through our eyes, but our eyes cannot possibly see what God has planned for us.

While I am saddened because God called Shannon home, I know she is spending eternity with Her Heavenly Father. No greater gift could a mother receive than to know her baby is safe in the arms of her Savior. My human-ness knows the heartache of giving her back to Jesus, He only loaned her to me for a while. It was my duty to raise her in love and teach her the best I could while she was here. If I failed her, my grief is in my failing. I wish I had one more day to hug her and kiss her, but then I would want one more day, and so on. Good byes are never easy, and knowing I will see her again, gives me joy and a sense of peace and tranquility.

While every journey of grief is different. I believe the walk is designed to bring us closer to God. Take your time, God is patient. God is gentle and full of love. Feel whatever you must feel and share your feeling with God always, He will take your burdens from you. Ask for the Holy Spirit to give you relief and comfort and you will receive it. God keeps His promises.

I will continue to pray for guidance  because I know the power of prayer and faith as a mother grieves.