Monday, September 3, 2012

When God Whispers

As a young girl I remember being very attentive when my grandma would lean close and whisper something in my ear. I always cherished her whispers about a surprise in the other room or candy hidden away. I miss those whispers. My aunts would sometimes whisper when telling a story and it always made me giggle. I
remember those times and they still bring a smile.

Whispers always held the answers to questions or riddles and they were happy. It wasn't until I got older that whispers, I learned could be cruel. The life of a young child held such magic and promise. Choices were so much simpler. I pray for child-like faith now as I grow old, to remember never questioning God's word. Just trusting that what the Father said was the only Truth I needed to hold fast and honor.

As life happens and grief becomes a daily dose, my choices are to live inside my grief, wallow in it, ignore it, or learn and grow while I am going through it. Some days, the choice is easier to make than others but when I listen closely I will hear God's whisper.

God is not intrusive, so He does not barge into my heart, demand my attention and rant and rave. Rather, He waits patiently for an invitation and then gently whispers soothingly to my heart His love for me. He encourages me to seek comfort in Him and loves when I share my deepest thoughts, but does not push. God is gentle and kind and yet loves so strong and fierce.

When I am sad God's whisper will encourage me to share my gift of writing with others, or reach out to comfort someone else in need. Some days I will pray for the needs of those all around me and some days I pray for those I do not know, because God hears all of our prayers and knows our prayers for others are
in faith and healing according to His will. I trust in His will always. Even in my deepest moments of sadness and despair I will reach for the Hand of God, because I know He is my Savior.

In church I often feel like God has a message in His message just for me. One that pertains just to my circumstance, something going on in my life at the time. Maybe with my girls or the grand kids. Something happening at my job or at home. I will be praying on something and receive clarity or something that was bothering me will be lifted, that's when God whispers.

Some days I don't feel productive at work. I am lost in thought about Shannon. My focus is lost and I can't seem to get it back. I pray a lot and find myself questioning my sanity. Yesterday I was fine, where did this come from today? And God whispers. Take a deep breath, relax. You are really fine. You are loved.

Anger can come out of nowhere. I can wake up angry. I do not remember being angry when I went to sleep but somewhere between 9 pm and 6 am, anger stole into my mind and robbed me of my peace. Why? WHY? WHY!?!  God whispers. I am sorry you are in pain. You are hurting and I am sorry you are hurting, I know you miss Shannon. God's whisper gives me comfort.

Some days are not good. I still have them. Days of countless tears. Unexplained breakdowns. I might not want to talk to anyone. I might not want to go to work. I might not want to get out of bed. Some days I might just be sad. I miss my daughter. It's okay to say it out loud. I am coping much better now. Prayer gets me through so much. Family and friends keep me strong. God's whisper keeps me going.

Don't get me wrong, there are those wonderful spiritually filled days, when all is right with the world. My prayers seem like they have been lifted right to God's ear on Angel's wings and my spirit is light. Shanny does not seem an eternity away and I can realize that I will see her again one day. God's whisper almost tickles. I relish those days. Small opportunities to do for others are sprinkled throughout the day and that adds to the joyful feeling of the day. Grief is at bay and I am living in the moment guilt-free and realizing the beauty God paints our world with, color by gorgeous color. And I whisper-thank you, Lord!

Sometimes, God's whisper is so gentle I can barely hear Him in the dark. But I know He is there with me. I feel His presence. Whether I am sad or happy, His whisper moves me closer to Him, to wrap up in His love. I only need to remember to be still and know that He is God.

So, as I continue on this journey I will listen for God's whisper, because I know the power of prayer and faith as a mother grieves.