Friday, January 11, 2013

I See You

Lately, I see you everywhere I look, in the faces of your children, in the changing color of the leaves, in the bright colored packages of the holidays. All these times, call to mind-sweet memories of you. I miss you, baby. I am learning to work through the 'missing' part in a more positive way these days.

I am becoming more active at church and work and with the grand angels. I am beginning to feel the happy moments they give me. My grand angels are like breaths of air, Shanny-each one gives me so much love, unique and quirky they are, and I love every minute. When I close my eyes I see you with your kids and how you experienced even the simplest of events and enjoyed, truly enjoyed the blessing of it. I think that is why God took you home. You had learned the art of loving-really loving and sharing that love.

I see you in church at Children's liturgy, when we are doing a project. I remember how we would giggle and hope it was better than some of the other leaders. Our goal was to get that project in the display box, right?
Eva reads the lesson quite a bit these days and J-Bug chimes in, too. Gus is in Pre-PSR and we are learning together the Fruits of the Spirit and how to share.

Next week is Pinewood Derby, J-Bug's last one. A bittersweet day. He is growing into such a fine young guy. Still as loving and sweet as ever and quite a computer whiz. He is quite a big brother and still gives one of the best hugs a kid can give!

I see you in Eva a lot when she is dancing for me and singing. Eva actually sings-on key. She has a really good voice and has 'your moves'. I am hoping she will improve as she gets a little older. Just kidding, were always meant for greatness-and you have found it!

When I step into your yard, you are all around me. I love it there. I feel you everywhere. You're in the very earth and I know it. If I could wrap my arms around it, I would. It looks beautiful in bloom-almost like a fairyland. Everything blooms and bursts with color-just like you.

I see you in your sister's eyes when they are with their kids now. They have learned a lot from you and I am sure they would share it with you if they could. When we are together, we share stories and laughs and many tears. Sometimes, we still can't believe you are not with us. We will start to tell a story about a birthday or Christmas past, and all of a sudden-you are here with us that last Christmas we were all together. We still laugh about the half burned candle you gave Kim and the sweater, you bought for Kim but ended up gifting to me, because it didn't fit her! What we wouldn't give to hear-Are you craaazy???? Or one of your famous
phone messages that always started out with...Ma, ma, up...pick up, okay, I'll just sing until you pick up the phone...

Yes, we might have been a little 'crazy' as families go-but I wouldn't trade a moment of it. You were always a bright spot in my day, Shanny. I see you in the sunshine now. And at night, in the stars that twinkle. I see your colors that light up the world in the flowers that bloom, and I hear your laughter in the wind chimes out front. I see you in my dreams and I know you are at peace. I love you and I always will. You are never more than a thought away.

Thank you for being one of my three little Angels, Shanny. I have not forgotten my promise, I am working on being the best  MeeMaw I can be every day, I hope you approve. When I see your reflection in my tears, I let them speak. It's okay to hurt some days, after all, you were mine and now you are not here to hug. I have a right to be sad. But I also know, the power of prayer and faith as a mother grieves.

Kiss Jesus for me.