Sunday, January 20, 2013
Step Out in Faith
Today I am stepping out in faith. I am handing my heart to Jesus to keep safely tucked away. It already belongs to Him, I am just giving it to Him for safe keeping! February 10th is the anniversary of Shannon's Angel date. It will be two years since God took her home to Heaven.
That all sounds fine and dandy, but as my words are written and even as my mouth might speak it-my heart has a hard time with it and I am not always feeling it! Does that make me a hypocrite? I hope not. I am just being real. I practice faith out loud. I live it, I love it, and I believe it. But , I am human and I have days when I miss my child so much the pain is haunting. Paralyzing even. When I say that I mean it keeps me from moving in the direction of healing. It sets me back some days. There are trigger dates, events, and I must admit-sometimes, for no reason at all, when I feel at a total loss. I can deal with it more realistically now, because I have allowed myself to grieve. I continue to grieve, but in a healthy way that allows for healing.
I have a hard time believing two years have passed since she has left this earth and found a home in Heaven. I have also accepted she has left me physically, but not in spirit and I can connect with Shanny in thought and in memory, until we meet again in my passing. I had to dig deep-layers and layers had to be stripped away of early teachings. It had to become between me and God. Once I came face to face with my reality-I was back in the arms of my Savior. He loves me, always has and always will. This was one more test of faith-God does not take away His promises.
Faith-seek it. Yearn for it-pray for it-beg for it. Once you have been gifted with it-hold fast to your faith-my friend, and never let it go. Faith will get you through your darkest hours and your coldest days. You will never know peace and love until you know God's love.
If you have lost a loved one-do not be afraid to go to God with questions. Do not be afraid of the anger in your mind. Give it to God, He expects it. When the sorrow becomes unbearable, lean on Him and He will comfort you. I promise. I know you are hurting and want answers. Sometimes, the answers will not come in this lifetime. But if you have Faith-it will get you through the nights with no end and days with no reason.
Take the first step, it is always the most difficult. He is waiting-just hold out your hand and when you feel the gentlest of touches, it is Him holding on. You are not alone.
Remember to pray, because even if we forget for a moment, we know the power of prayer and faith as a mother grieves. God bless!