Monday, June 24, 2013

What Doors Need Opening?

Life is crazy enough, right? Pile grief on top of all of it and it sometimes gets to be more than I can manage.
People in general don't always understand the depth of what it is like to grieve for a child. I hope they never have to understand the pain and agonizing emotions that come out of nowhere at any time-no matter how many years it has been. You see, what people forget is-once a mother, always a mother. It's like having a door slammed in your face, when someone says-isn't it time you get a handle on this and move forward?

Returning to work after you lose a child is difficult at best. Being avoided is intolerable. Look, I get it-death is an uncomfortable subject, but don't ignore my presence because you don't know what to say, tell me that. I understand. I would much rather you be open and honest than close yourself off behind your office door because you are afraid to say the wrong thing. Saying nothing speaks louder than an honest, I don't know what to say because I don't know how you feel.

Running into a neighbor who obviously has been avoiding you since the funeral is almost embarrassing because so much time has passed and you saw them slip behind the clothes rack and almost run into the  ladies room to avoid you, when a simple admission would be so much easier so you move past it all. Did you knock on the ladies room door?

Families often find fault with one another when a loved one passes away. Guilt drives a wedge between the living and doors close because the pain is so great it seems easier than dealing with the crushing hurt. Reconciliation seems almost impossible and more doors continue to close and locks upon locks are bolted.

Neighbors seem to distance themselves and church friends seem to avoid us. Why? I don't think it's because they really don't care about us. I believe it is because of two reasons. One, no one can really understand the pain of a loss this deep, unless you are experiencing it, nor would I want anyone to have to go through this to understand it. But, eye contact and a simple nod at church or a smile at the grocery store-tells me I am still in your thoughts, and hopefully in your prayers. The second reason  is, I think people find death frightening. Thinking about losing a child is probably every parents worst nightmare. Some people may even experience a twinge of guilt or discomfort. It may bring up some things they need to work on in their own lives, so the easier thing to do is avoid the situation altogether. Easier to close the door and hope it all goes away, right?

What doors need opening in your life? Does your employer need a wake up call? Do you belong to a church or organization that allows speakers to come in and share with their group? Does your church have a grief support group? Would they benefit from opening their door and starting one? Do you need to start a group in your area to share and grieve and help each other through the days ahead?

I am taking my blog from paper to people-call me, email me, inbox me on Facebook. I am making myself  available to speak at any organization, church, office or corporation on the subject of Grief and Support. My door is open to you.  Become a Follower of this Blog-I will try and open those doors for you. Remember, Together-we can heal.

My door is always open-you can reach me at
I am on Facebook-Rose Lohse or Premier Designs, Rose Lohse
And of course, right

As always, you will be in my thoughts and prayers- because I know the power of prayer and faith as a mother grieves-and now, as a mother heals!